The Home Study

Talk about a whirlwind!  The last couple of weeks have been just that for our family.  In addition to the traditional holiday madness that always ensues, we've been working like crazy to finish our paperwork and prepare our house for our home study.  While this post may be a bit technical and lengthy, I want to ensure anyone who is considering adoption has all the facts as sometimes the idea of a home study may seem scary and overwhelming.  But for us, it's been just the opposite.

So, let's start at the very beginning (a very good place to start).

An approved home study needs to be completed before a child can be placed in your home.  Home study requirements vary, based on the state, but most require the following pieces of information from the adoptive parents in order to even qualify:
     1. Proof that you are who you say you are, economically and financially
     2. Proof that you have thought about this process and are emotionally ready to parent
     3. Proof that your background, history, and home life do not raise any red flags as a potential parent

Now this is all very broad, so what it really boils down to is lots and LOTS of paperwork and answering LOTS of questions as well as:

• Doctor's statements on our health (some states require a physical)
• W2s, Tax Statements, Check Stubs and official documentation on education and employment
• Letters of reference
• Address and Work history (Ours asked for 15 years of history on both and let me tell you, remembering every place I lived while in college was a brain teaser that took 3 days to solve)
• Answering questions about our parenting skills, filling in the blanks that usually started with, "What would you do if___" and discussing our parenting styles, thoughts on discipline, goals for our child future plans regarding activities and education.
• Discussing our marriage in detail, it's successes and failures, our individual strengths and the possible parenting strengths of our partner. (this happens when the couple is interviewed individually and together)
• Writing a letter to our birth  mother (more on this in later posts as it was one of the most emotional things I've ever had to do).
• Submitting to background checks in EVERY STATE WE'VE EVER LIVED IN (this goes in all caps to give you a sense of the amount of paperwork some states require when filling out background forms- it was not pleasant)
• Proofing our home for the safety and security of our child

This is just a brief list but I hope you get the picture.  It's detailed.  It's time consuming.  It's filling out LOTS of paperwork with LOTS of questions.  It's something I really wanted to pass off or hire out for, but so important for the adoptive parents to fill out and turn in themselves. It's also important that BOTH parents take part in filling out the information and not just one parent who is impatient and just wants to get it done (I'll give you one guess as to who the impatient one was in this scenario).  Only then can we schedule interviews and visits with our social worker.  Then, they put everything together and approve us per state requirements.

For the our state, they also required a 4-page checklist to be completed on any safety and health issues on our house.  This included securing outlets with the childproof covers, getting our heating system checked, and installing a fire extinguisher that is visible in the kitchen.  No, it couldn't go underneath in a cabinet.  It had to be seen out in plain view.

Can everybody see it?!!?

Here's the interesting thing.  While it was hard to pull everything together, fill out additional paperwork and ready our house, it really forced Mr. A and I to answer questions that I'm not sure we'd be talking about now if I had gotten pregnant and we were preparing for baby in that way.  To even be able to meet with the social worker, we have to discuss how we view discipline, we have to talk about what we want our child to learn from us, and we have to be open about what from our own childhood we want to bring to our parenting skills as well as some differences in parenting we'd like to make from our own parents.  This has been SO valuable and such a blessing!

So, we turned in our paperwork right before Christmas, and I honestly didn't think we'd hear from anyone before the new year.  But, everyone seemed to be jumping to finish our file as we got a call from the social worker and had our home visit YESTERDAY!

Thank goodness the house was already in decent shape, as I'm not sure what husband really wanted to spend the Christmas and the day after deep in cleaning supplies.  Still, Mr. A was a trooper and accommodated my OCD as I was convinced that our worth would be tied to the vacuum cleaner lines in the carpet and the spotless, fingerprint-free appliances.

I think there are probably horror stories about social workers coming and "judging" your ability to parent in situations like this.  I was nervous.  I mean, this complete stranger was going to show up and use her checklist as a measuring stick for us.  I'm happy to say that my fears were COMPLETELY unfounded.  Our person was completely warm and friendly and said repeatedly that she was there to advocate FOR us, which was such a relief!

Us right before the doorbell rang!

Our visit consisted of a review of our paperwork, tour of the house and check of our safety features (yes, she looked at the fire extinguisher!) and just like that, in 3 hours it was over!

Full disclosure- I also made muffins.... it couldn't hurt, right?!?!

I think that the agency is still waiting on some background forms to come back (hint, if you've lived in multiple states in the last 5 years you have to have cleared background information from each state so it takes a little longer) but other than that we are DONE!  Once our profile is live (hopefully this week), there will be NOTHING stopping us from getting picked or matched by an expectant mama.

Here's the thing about adoption and the way it works.  It's a process.  There are steps and until those steps are taken, you can't take the next steps.  It's also different from what you thought your process might look like.  But what's so rewarding and thrilling are the positive and encouraging people who WANT to advocate for you and your future family that come along the way.  God showed me that with this home visit.  I complained (a bunch) about this part of the process, but now that we've seen the social worker and she's seen our house and seen us interact as a couple, I see how this all fits in as a piece of the bigger puzzle.

If you would like to pray, share or invest in our journey, you can do so here:
www.youcaring.com/carradoptionfund