Navigating the hows and whys of adoption remind me a little of being a senior in high school and choosing the right college. Similar questions need to be answered:
1. Small or large school/agency?
2. Study/Adopt abroad or Study/Adopt domestically?
3. Public School/Foster care or Private School/Agency or consultant
Mr. A and I gave ourselves the summer to ask questions, research agencies and find the best fit for us. And you know what we discovered? Adoption agencies- just like everything in life- are not created equal. They do not operate in the same way. And adoption can be handled in many different ways as well. We could have spent years researching and still be at a crossroads, so it was important to us to put a time limit on the research (we decided to research over the summer and have a decision by Labor Day on where to go). This way we stayed actionable with our next steps. This is an attempt to navigate through the maze of options, decisions and questions that came up during our research.
Questions you need to answer before you start researching:
1. What's the age range of the child you want to adopt?
2. Do you prefer to work within your home state, nationally, or internationally?
3. What are your state's rules when it comes to funding, grants, etc.
3. How involved or open do you want your adoption to be? This means how much birth mother/father contact are you open to having once a child is placed with you.
4. Are you open to foster-to-adopt programs?
There are more questions (lots and lots), but these will at least get you started on how you choose to research agencies.
For us, we focused on 3 main agency types:
1. National agency- we figured being on the tail end of our 30's we would want more national exposure to birthmoms- increased chances of being matched quickly
2. Consultant- these are small groups that assist with profile creation and then market you out to agencies nationally
3. Specific foster-to-adopt programs- Here in Texas there are private agencies that connect with the State for specific needs based on where we live- we looked into an agency that worked with homeless birthmoms who were interested in adoption.
If you are thinking or praying about adoption, you'll find that as you navigate your research, you'll discover items that are important pieces for you in your journey, and those will be specifics you look for in an agency. For us, we were really focused on finding an agency who:
1. Would advocate for us and protect any financial investment we made. Some agencies have contracts that expire and if you are not matched within that time frame, any funds you have invested expire as well. It was important for us to find an agency who would protect any fees we paid despite however long it to be matched.
2. Would care for the birth mom before, during and after pregnancy. We wanted to make sure that part of the fees went directly towards that birth mom's needs. I don't know what it's like to not have anyone to depend on, but it happens quite often that a birth mom has nowhere to go. If she is kicked out of her house, or has to drop out of school, we wanted to make sure that housing, counseling, etc. was available if she needed it. We also felt it was important to ensure she received counseling after giving birth and placing her child with us. This birth mom deserves all the praise in the world and the last thing we would want to do is cut her off with zero support once a child has been placed in our care.
3. Would treat us as more than a case number and walk on this journey with us. We knew we needed an advocate and someone we could connect with, share our questions with, and be able to do so without any fear or prejudice. Once we made a connection, that sealed the deal for us.
So we took our summer, talked to different agencies, talked to each other, talked to our families, talked to friends who had adopted, prayed, prayed and prayed. I remember one adoptive mother saying to me, "You'll just know" as I was explaining our indecision over an agency. And you know what? After the research, and the talking and the prayer that's exactly what happened. We decided to go with an agency who really embodied the pieces we were looking for- financial protection, birth parent support, and personal connection and the peace that has come out of that decision is so affirming that it's the right decision for us.
Now, many people ask me why adoption is so expensive. Just recently I've heard from people who have funded adoptions ranging between $18,000 all the way to $70,000. Based on the agency size, states they work in, marketing efforts and support for birth parents, this can all play into the fees. Remember, an adoption agency is still a business that employs multiple people from caseworkers to attorneys to counselors. The fees add up, but they are all going into a wonderful cause.
I used to complain to Mr. A about the unfairness of it all. Not only was I not getting pregnant, but now we needed to sell a kidney just to be able to be available for a match. I mean, we both work, make a decent living, but I don't know of many people who are automatically able to finance adoption without some assistance, etc.
Now, my thinking has changed. These fees are an investment. Not just in this child but in these birth parents. It also promotes adoption throughout the country and who knows how many other adoptive couples, birthparents, etc. are affected by seeing an ad or marketing campaign about the positive power of adoption.
Want to pray, share or invest in our journey? You can do so here:
www.youcaring.com/carradoptionfund
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