3AM Feedings Part One

Mommy has the night shift this week as Daddy goes back to work tomorrow... or today... or... wait, what day is it?!?  Yes, you veteran parents- please feel free to smile indulgently at the Mommy brain that has quickly developed inside of me in the space of a few weeks.  No, I have no idea what day it is, No I don't know when my next shower will be, and No, my lunch yesterday wasn't saltines and sliced cheese... wait that's actually correct.

Yes, motherhood is HERE and as weird and crazy and stressful as it is, I am just thrilled and thankful beyond measure!

There's so much I want to share with you all, so be warned- there may be more early AM blogging coming your way.  And unlike the past several months when I felt I had NO news to share, now, my brain is so full, I am not quite sure where to start.

Tonight for some reason, the hospital where Baby C was born has been on my mind, so I'd like to share with you a little bit about our experience, being adoptive parents on the maternity floor and later the NICU.

If you're just joining in, our timeline is as follows:

Monday- baby girl is born
Wednesday- got a call about baby girl and that our profile was being shown
Same Wednesday- learned we had been picked and went to hospital and met with Birth Mother.  Got to see baby for the first time
Thursday- spent all day with Birth Mother, baby and assorted caseworkers- placement paperwork signed
Friday + 11 more days- daily trips to the NICU to spend time with daughter
Tuesday- (16 days later) released from hospital!

All in all that's 15 days of hospital time we spent and here are some interesting things I learned, being the adoptive parent:

1. Meeting the birthmother is a life changing experience.
If you are thinking and praying about adoption, something that could seem a little scary is meeting the birth parents. I can only speak from my experience, but I can say meeting the birthmother, getting to love on her, getting to hug her and getting to talk to her will go down as one of the most precious times in my life.  Set aside your expectations and let your heart guide you through.

2. Adoption isn't as common as you might think so be careful the impression you give.
Regardless of how much I thought adoption was very commonplace, in the hospital, their main concern is to protect birth parents and babies.  So, if you get to the hospital and don't find the warmest reception at first, don't get upset. Hospitals are protecting their patients.  Our caseworker gave us great advice- to be friendly and not too pushy.  Even after our placement papers were signed, there was a paperwork hiccup on the hospital side that prevented us from asking medical information on baby C at first.  Behind the scenes we were very vocal with caseworkers and really pushing our team to work with the hospital. But in the eyes of the nurses, doctors, and administrators, we tried to be friendly, warm and just plain thankful to everyone involved in Baby C's care.  Believe me, I wanted to tattoo MOTHER on my forehead and go in guns blazing, but in the end, our friendly gentle approached worked and smoothed roads of those who may have been skeptical of adoption better than any in your face action.  It also gave Mr. A and I a chance to be a witness to so many about our faith, our belief that we were right in the middle of God's perfect plan for us, and I truly believe people responded to us in a positive way.

3. The nurses are the unsung heroes
In the middle of the paperwork, the waiting, etc., every day was spent in the quiet NICU.  Mr. A, my parents, and I took turns so at least one of us was there with Baby C as much as possible.  Let me tell you, NICU can be a scary place.  Babies are hooked up to monitors, and can be attached with oxygen, feeding tubes and medicines in most cases so a calm quiet presence is needed.  Every day the nurses got to know us a little bit more.  We listened to them, brought them treats and tried to acknowledge them every minute.  While I am not thankful my baby spent over 2 weeks in the NICU, that time was so precious.  We got lots of little parenthood trainings from the nurses- from feedings to baths, and had a hands on approach whenever we felt we needed help.  And let me tell you, if you can manage a diaper change with cords and tubes tangled around your child's legs without too much panic, you can do anything!
As the nurses and team in the NICU got to know us, we formed a special bond in our joint effort to see to Baby C's care.  In addition to all of you who were praying and sending your well wishes, we had this physical army of men and women who love these little babies so much and want them to get well.
Under our tree is the first present and it was given to us by one of the nurses to Baby C.  I'll forever be thankful for all of the gentle hands loving on my child during her first 2 weeks.

4.  Expect the unexpected and don't be afraid to call on your support system
I don't know why I thought our adoption would be a smooth road- but even in this incredible period of joy, every hour it seemed like a new hurtle would be thrown our way and we would have to navigate our way through.  Additional paperwork, additional fees, the sheer physical exhaustion of the NICU... you name it, we've experienced it over the past three weeks.  And there is NO way Mr. A and I would have been able to get through the past 3 weeks on our own.  We've had to seek out help, advice and strength from:
The Lord- I had a breakdown in the shower about halfway through our NICU stay when I realized my shoulders could not carry the weight of what was happening around me.  My faith (which has always been strong), was tested in a big way this month and I recognized very clearly that the only way I am able to make it through is by relying on His strength and not mine.
Our Parents- Financially, physically, emotionally, both of our parents have been there for us this in ways we have not recognized.  Mr. A and I are not used to asking for help, but the first call we made was to my parents, asking for prayer and support.  When you are "picked" for a possible adoption, there's also a flurry of decisions, fees, etc. that have to be decided and normally you have a few days to process, talk things over and then get back to the agency.  IN our case, they all had to be decided and within a 3 minute time span and my brain could not process it all.  A baby had been born.  Birmom wanted to meet us in an hour.  Fees were ... Paperwork required was ... and on and on.  I literally felt like my head was going to explode and am thankful for my mom (a former adoption social worker) who helped us quickly process the information we were given.  My parents drove in, Mr. A's mom is arriving this week, and the support from them has been amazing.  We would not have been able to say YES to Baby C without their help.  And I will tell you something.  Seeing your parents hold their grandchild for the first time-- there's a whole blog post needed for that warm and fuzzy feeling!
Our Network of Friends- When we got the Wednesday call, we did not even own a diaper.  But while we concentrated on the NICU, some dear friends helped set us up for Baby C to come home.  One friend brought 2 tubs of Preemie-3 month clothing, another brought her bassinet and so on.....it was so helpful to be able to just focus on Baby C.  Literally every day since we've been home, there's been a new package of diapers or formula that has arrived from a friend or family member.  It's really just allowed us to concentrate on getting Baby C used to her new environment and loving on her.

5. Breathe and know it will all be ok.
While on a short break from the NICU, some sweet friends brought by some baby stuff and someone mentioned newborn photos and how it's best to take them before the baby is 2 weeks old.  I smiled on the outside but inside I was in a complete panic.  What if Baby C stayed in the NICU more than 2 weeks?  What if we couldn't afford newborn photos with the extra costs we were paying for the adoption fees?  Was I already failing at this motherhood thing by missing out on an important step?  (this was also the day of my shower breakdown)
Adoptions won't go exactly according to my plan.  Baby won't cooperate exactly according to my plan.  Motherhood (and fatherhood) won't go exactly according to my plan.  And you know what?  That's ok.  I have child who, instead of getting newborn pics, was receiving some of the best care in the city.  And in the end, I know it's all going according to God's plan, so I can take that deep breath, take some of the weight off of my shoulders, and give it to Him.

I am so thankful for our timline and our hospital experience.  While it was certainly not what we expected, I am already seeing so many blessings from our time there.

So, now it's 4:12 and Baby is making some interesting noises... is it possible she's hungry again?!?  Maybe.  She eats like a teenage boy, but I'm told that's a good thing at this age.

Tomorrow Daddy's back and work and Mommy is on her own- I'm sure that will give me TONS of great blogging material for later in the week...

Much love to all...

Mama C