What Happens While You Wait

If you know me at all, even a little bit, you probably know that patience is something I struggle with.  I'm a "get it done now" type of person and very often, if we're not getting done quickly enough, my Type A-self will swoop in and try to take over so we can get it done more quickly.

So it's no surprise that even though it's been 2 months, the waiting piece of this adoption journey has been a killer.  In an effort to curb this impatience (although let's be honest- there are plenty of things on my plate to keep me busy--it's just that Type A roaring it's sometimes-ugly head), I've been really digging into the adoption internet land and soaking up as much information as possible on anything and everything adoption.  I've joined (and left) adoption groups, I've posted stories and articles, I've downloaded books, I've read poems and quotes...and what I discovered is a common theme about what happens during the "waiting" period.

There seem to be two schools of thought on how to handle the waiting:  1. Do everything that is easier to do pre-baby (work, vacation, lose weight, etc) and live life to the fullest pre-child OR 2. Prep and learn all you can so you are ready when baby comes.

With the first school of thought (pre-baby bucket list), there's this thought process that in order to wait, you need to distract yourself.  Distract so you don't think of baby all the time.  Distract so you don't look at the empty nursery and cry.  Distract so you don't annoy your social worker with your weekly "Any news?" emails.  Jump into Pinterest for hours searching for any tips an tricks on what to do while we wait because you're a person of action and waiting is not in your DNA.  And yes, waiting for something so big with no end date in site does require a fair amount of distraction.  If I was truly in my normal mind, I would be calling the social worker daily.  I would be crying in the empty nursery...probably daily.  But, does distraction also boil down to not WANTING to think about the waiting and not WANTING to think about the "what if" that is such a huge part of the adoption process?  Does that distraction have to do with the fact that even though we're hopeful and even though our outside shell is confident, there's a little piece of us that is lacking in the Faith that is needed when this is so out of our control?

 That second thought process is a little of the opposite.  We have so much faith and so much confidence, we are controlling what we can of the situation because we KNOW it's all going to work out.  Instead of the distraction, we are MAKING things happen.  Every nursery purchase feels like a victory and every new chapter on the newest book of baby expertise makes us a ready expert.  Every time we post an "answer" or "opinion" on the adoption blogs, we feel vindicated that we are moving in the right direction. And yes, #2 can (to some) feel like a more productive use of that waiting time.  But, really and truly, doesn't this process need some sort of a realization that you actually can't do it and you need help and support outside of yourself?  Is trying to control what you really can't control a little counter-productive?

Now granted, these are extreme schools of thought, but lately, I've found myself smack dab in the middle of these two groups.  On the outside, I'm a #2 all the way.  I've gathered the info, painted the walls, commented on the blogs, read the books, educated my friends and family- I'm on top of it.  On the inside, I am a mess.  I cry at the commercial where the mom has the new baby and does the skin-to-skin contact because I realize even when this whole thing works out, that's probably not going to be in the cards for me.  I get upset because there are times when I feel so helpless about this whole piece, I have to distract myself with what my current success is- my job- instead of acknowledging the fact that I'm a failure as a mother (and I know that's not true, but you know how our minds go, ladies).  I purposely avoid family situations and instead try to find activities for Mr. A and I that are childless so we can have fun and celebrate our pre-parent selves...and to keep me from the jealousy and the grief that still comes up from time to time.  I'm terrified of Mother's Day on one hand, and on the other, I'm so happy that one day I can celebrate that day just like everyone else.

For real- right now, I'm a multiple-personality parent to be!

Now, I know this isn't everyone's journey, but I did promise honesty in mine, so it's important to keep you updated on it all.  And, if you are also in a waiting period, I want to encourage you that waiting is hard and figuring out how to deal with it without losing your mind is not easy.  Here's the thing, though.  Waiting is part of it.  Crying is part of it.  Distraction is part of it.  Resolve is part of it.  Faith is part of it.  Needing support outside yourself is part of it.  Moving forward is part of it.  And waiting a little more is part of it again.  This is not a journey for the weak and we have to figure out in a trial-by-fire fashion how to deal with the waiting with as much grace as we can.

So, I'm probably going to keep looking on Pinterest.  And I'm probably going to work late every now and again.  And I'm most certainly going to change the channel when that commercial comes on. And I'll continue to be so appreciative of the friends and family who are waiting with me.  But seriously, let's keep the remote going so we avoid that commercial, ok? :)

*Adoption isn't without it's joys and struggles.  But it's so much easier having our friends and family as our support system.  To learn more about our journey, click here:
www.youcaring.com/carradoptionfund

Lights, Camera, Adoption!

We are less than 2 weeks away from the big show, and I am feeling so many emotions right now-- the principal one being extreme excitement!

For those of you planning on attending, I don't want to give too much away, but I have been so amazed at how this evening is turning out.  We have right around 20 people who are helping in an on-stage or back-stage capacity and my heart is SO FULL!

Back in the day, when I lived and breathed live theatre, it was no big deal to jump on stage, belt out a number and go on with my day.  These days, those "performances" are limited to singing in church next to my hubs in the audience, or belting in my car during rush hour, so it will be fun to jump back onto the stage again.

It's a little surreal thinking about our child and where their interests and talents will lie.  I used to joke that my kid would come out of the womb singing as I'm pretty sure that's what happened to me (or so my mother tells me).  Even if you are not musically talented, working in a live performing environment is supposed to teach leadership skills, self-confidence, teamwork and respect for those around me.  While my child may not come out of the womb belting show tunes, I hope that this upcoming event can be the start of a life where the arts (in some way, shape of form) is represented in their lives.

Are you in Georgia and looking for something fun to do on the 18th?  I hope you'll consider spending your evening with us!

Here's how to reserve advanced reserved seats!

As always, thank you for being a part of our story.  To pray, give or share, you can do so here:

www.youcaring.com/carradoptionfund

Show Tickets and Specifics

Now that the announcement is out about our upcoming performance, the interest and support has been overwhelming!  I sang extra diligently in the car this morning prepping for the big day. :)

My mom reminded me that some people may not be as familiar with our adoption fundraising website, and that is the way to purchase advanced reserved seat tickets.  Tickets will also be available at the door, but if you want to skip the wait and have a nice center section reserved seat, here's how to do it:

1. Go to our page: www.youcaring.com/carradoptionfund
This is what you will see:

2. Click on the big RED button that says "DONATE NOW"

3. Fill in the information- Name, Amount (Tix are $20 so do the math on however many you want) and under the comments, let me know if you need anything special (aisle seat if we have it, or maybe you just want to donate tickets for someone else)

4. Fill out the CC or Banking Information (this is a secure website) and you are set!

So, advanced tickets- it's as easy as 1, 2, 3.

More to come on the show later- thanks again for all the support and continue to follow the blog for updates.  I will be posting more next week about the conversation I had with our caseworker- exciting!

Adoption in Big Bright Lights

2017 has NOT been the year of lots of posting and updates and I apologize to my sweet followers who keep asking for news.  Unfortunately for the most part, things have been quiet and we are in that dreaded waiting phase, however, we did get a positive call from our caseworker yesterday and our profile has been requested specifically 4 times since January.  Of course I wanted to know if that was a good number or not (always competitive!), and YES, it is a good number!  So our profile's out there and we are waiting on that right fit.

In the meantime, we are really pushing to save, save, and save some more so when the match happens we are READY.  And with that, here's the BIG announcement for you all!

Our story is coming to the stage!  And by that, our old theatre in Georgia has graciously allowed us to use the space for a one-night performance to share our story and raise funds for our cause.

When I first thought about this, I was a little scared- I mean, it's been a while since I've been on stage.  But the more I thought about it and the more I reached out to different friends and former theatre colleagues to check their interest level, it got really exciting really fast.  SO MANY PEOPLE have jumped on board to help- I have friends who are professional actors who are flying in to perform with me!  It's so humbling and exciting, and I can't wait!!

So, the information is below.  March 18th. Macon GA.  There will be some great entertainment, information about our journey, and just a great time of fellowship and fun.  If you are in the area, I hope you will consider coming.  Tickets can be purchased at the door, BUT if you want advanced reserved seats, you can simply make a donation of the ticket price ($20) to our website- just list the number of tickets you want and make sure to include your name so we can reserve them for you.

This is going to be so much fun-- if you are in Georgia and have friends/family who may be considering adoption, I hope you will also share this with them as well.

I'll see you soon on stage!

Quick Update, Big Announcement and Love Story- all in one post!

Happy February!  It's been a little bit since I've posted... here's why:

1. Out of town.  I always forget how busy the beginning of the year can be.  I was in NYC for part of January and am currently in Las Vegas for our annual company conference...which is why I'm blogging at 11:30pm cause days in LV are LONG.
2. Out of time.  Truth.  Mr. A and I have been running around so much, any extra time has been spent just trying to connect with each other.  He's been slammed between teaching and his big gig working the SuperBowl last week so when we have downtime, we're trying to just focus on us.
3. Out of words.  Ok, that's not completely true, as I ALWAYS can find something to say.  But in terms of adoption, since we're in this waiting period, there hasn't been that much to share.  Our profile is getting a healthy amount of views which is encouraging, and we continue to look at the nursery and do small updates.  But generally, things have been quiet...


I do have one piece of really exciting news- especially for our hometown Georgia friends!  Our theatre, Theatre Macon has graciously agreed to have me back for a one night only performance on Saturday, March 18th!  I'll be bringing some special friends and all proceeds will go to assist in our adoption costs... we are still trying to save/raise about $10-15K and we can't wait to use this night as a celebration with our friends and family!  So, if you are in the Macon area, mark your calendars!

And that announcement brings me to the story-time portion of this blog.  Thinking about the theatre also has me thinking about my hubs as that's where we met 10 years ago!  So, in the spirit of the upcoming Valentine's Day, I thought I would share a story about Mr. A....

I first saw Mr. A in October of 2006 when he stepped on the stage of Theatre Macon to audition for the show South Pacific.  I was signed on to choreograph and at the time had not planned on auditioning as I was also slated to direct a youth production of Oklahoma that would overlap slightly and I was pretty worn out from the mega summer show we had just done.  I was not paying attention really, but when a deep voice introduced himself and his song I immediately looked up and there was this handsome guy just singing his heart out.  I've always thought from the beginning that Mr. A was the prettier one of our relationship and Day 1 was no exception.  Blond hair, blue eyes, strong build- yummy!  I figured out right away that this was someone I wanted to get to know better.  It wasn't love at first sight, but there was an immediate kinship as we struck up a conversation after the audition was over.  Next thing you know, I asked the director if I could audition and we were cast opposite each other as the comedic leads.  And that was the beginning of the happily ever after that is our life.

I've always loved sharing the story of how we met, as it's so unique and different.  It's one of those stories that never gets old and I am so grateful for that day!  10 years later, 7 years of marriage and a child on the way, he's still that cute blond guy who makes me smile just by walking in the room.

Happy February folks, Happy Valentine's Day!  Thanks for continuing to support us and be a part of our story!  I can't wait to see you Georgia people on March 18th!

Adoption Update!

So we've been on this whirlwind for the last 4 months, and I'm so proud of how far we've come:

1. Pray and decision to follow adoption path- check!
2. Find an agency- check!
3. Announce to our friends- check!
4. Work on profile- check!
5. Work on home study- check!
6. Save/fundraise- still in progress, but a huge check!
7. Complete profile- check!
8. Receive home study approval- check!

So now we're what my caseworker calls the "waiting" phase.  And as I'm sure you know if you know me at all, patience and waiting is not my strong suit.  So, thankfully we do have a few little things taking up some of our time:
1. Work- I don't know what's in the water, but January so far has been one of the busiest work months for me to date.  It also didn't help that I was in NYC for a business trip all of last week (although being in NYC was completely wonderful so I'm not complaining).  I can't figure it out.  Work is completely nuts right now and showing no signs of letting up.
2. Home- We are still trying to finish up some last minute projects in case we get the baby call anytime soon.  Of course it did not help that in the last week, we had a sink explosion in our guest bathroom (think exploding fire hydrant... it was not pretty) and part of our fence blew away thanks to the current Texas weather we've been experiencing.  It seems like every time we turn around there's something to be done on top of the extra projects we've been planning.
3. Life- Mr. A and I are really trying to spend as much time together as possible.  Date nights, clean the house nights, turning off the TV and paying attention to each other- you name it, we're working on it.  We know this non-child life we're living has an expiration date and so we're cherishing every minute of time with each other.  It's rough as we are both really being pulled by work, but we're managing...even if our "together time" is spent mopping up water from our busted sink.  Super romantic, right?!?!

The social worker also sent a lovely "What to Expect" packet that discusses some of the things we can do now while we are in the waiting phase.  I was very excited because, you know, Ms. Impatient here so are some of the extra things we are looking at:
1. Baby registry.  I talked about this in a previous blog, but it's more than just registering.  It's really about learning what all of these gadgets and gizmos do.  And of course, tons of my mama-friends have offered to help with the registry to make sure we've got everything we need.
2. Applying for grants.  This is a harder one as I've never applied for grants before so it's a bit like taking a brand new class and I'm a little lost right now.  We are doing GREAT with our fundraising and saving, but it doesn't hurt to see what's out there.  I don't know what is out there for us, but I'm going to use my free time (ha) to see what we can do.  If anyone out there has any experience with adoption grants or funding, please shoot over any information you can!
3. Working on a jewelry fundraiser!  That's right, one of my amazing vendors that I work with has donated over 30 pieces of sterling silver jewelry towards our cause.  I'm thinking sometime around Valentine's Day so watch the blog and my Facebook page for more information.

I can't believe we're almost finished with this month.  Time has FLOWN, but what's stayed constant is the prayers, well wishes and support from all of you.  Mr. A's mom sent us a box this week filled with all sorts of stuff for baby C. and it just makes me giddy.  I'm so excited to see what's around the corner!

If you would like to pray, share or give towards our journey, you may do so here:
www.youcaring.com/carradoptionfund

Where to Prepare vs. When to Wait

In the words of Chip Gaines, "We're rockin' and a rollin' here at the Baby project!"  Now that we are Home Study approved and our Profile is live, I've been really trying to process what we can do while we're in this waiting stage.

This comes with a big question- how much do we want to do while we wait?  There are obvious pro's and con's on how to approach this piece:

1. Pro- the more prepared the better off we'll be if we are matched quickly.
2. Pro- once something happens, it's going to be quick- better to already have things checked off the list.

1. Con- what if we aren't matched quickly?  Then we're just looking at all this baby stuff every day.
2. Con- what if we are matched but it ends up failing?  Won't it hurt to be ready for a baby that's not coming yet?

At the end of the day, I'm a planner.  So, regardless of the timing and worrying about when something is or isn't going to happen, I know I'll feel better having done as much as possible to prepare for baby. Then I can just close the nursery door and be ready to open it whenever something happens.  So in that spirit, we've tried to focus on areas where we knew we could go ahead and get ahead of the game without taking away any personal preparations we'd need to do once we found out more about our match.

Through the holidays and this past week we've:
1. Painted the nursery (shades of neutral gray to compliment the white built-ins.  We got lucky here as the built-ins were already a piece of the room)

2. Painted the nursery furniture (Annie Sloan did WONDERS with this old furniture- no final pics yet as I'm still deciding on hardware, but it's a thousand times prettier)

3. Put together a crib (Mr. A calls it a jail, but it's super cute, promise.  Traditional Jenny Lind crib and the white looks really nice against the wall colors)

4. Registered at Buy Buy Baby

The last piece has definitely been the more fun of all of the "to do's" on my list, yet it came with it's own set of challenges as well.  The first being the due date.  See, when you register, you need to provide a due date.  We don't have one so we just picked a date (June 1st) as a placeholder.  The sweet gal at BBB was a little confused (I think we were her first adoptive couple) so we had to go into a little more detail than I would have liked (see previous post) on getting her on board with what we were trying to do. But after some explanation, questions and more explanations, we got our scanner and were off and running.

Mamas-to-be- a piece of advice.  Let your hubbies handle the scanner.  Mr. A. was thrilled and immediately started scanning everything in site.  Now, full disclosure- I went online later and did a little "editing" but it helped him stay into the process and watching him try to figure out what all the gadgets and gizmos were about was extremely entertaining!

For us, we concentrated on the "must have" pieces of the registry and really did not try to add on anything that would be specific to gender or age.   Yes we needed a changing pad.  Yes, we would need burp clothes.  Everything is in shades of green, gray and yellow as I'm sure once we know what's what we'll have plenty of pink or blue options to choose from.

There were a couple of pieces I wasn't sure about-
1. Diaper Genie- really?  Is a trash can not up to the job?  Please advise!
2. Travel System vs. Car Seat?  We registered for both as we had 2 different associates sell us on the merits of them.  Not sure how we feel.
3. Rocking Chair vs. Rocker vs. Glider.  Help!

Yes there are still things we could do, but for the most part, having these projects and items to work on really has helped me stay calm about the whole process.  I knew the waiting would be what drove me crazy, so I'm sure there will be more projects to come.

Thanks for staying involved in our journey!  To learn more, please visit:
www.youcaring.com/carradoptionfund