Finalization

It's hard to believe our little angel has been with us a little over 6 months.  Harder still to look back over this whole process and be amazed at how God's plan has been so perfect.  Our little baby has grown- in size and personality- and every day is a new joy.  I've learned parenthood is so hard but so wonderful.  Sleep is overrated and 4am snuggles are the best.

During our 6 months together, there's still been some final details of the adoption that we were waiting on- post placement visits and our finalization.  Each month, our social worker would come visit and interview us on our transition and FINALLY, this week we traveled to Ft. Worth for our finalization in front of the judge.

Never having been to court before except for mock trial in high school, I wasn't sure how to look at finalization.  I had heard it would be quick and pretty informal so we invited family to come, and my mom surprised us by asking my aunt to fly in as well as the pastor who married us and his wife.  Our time in the courtroom was brief, but so emotional and wonderful as we listed to the judge ask us if we were ready to be C's forever mommy and daddy.  And, while I've always thought of myself as her mother, hearing the judge decree us to be her parents was just as sweet as when our pastor declared Adam and I husband and wife over 8 years ago.

We were blessed to have a family friend, Caroline Jurgensen- whose photography is AMAZING- document the entire finalization and here are some sneak peaks.

Answering questions from the lawyer as mom, dad and family look on.

Mr. A confirming he would be the forever daddy with our pastor smiling in the background.

Everyone with the judge- C's sticking out her tongue (her newest trick)

Happy forever family

C with her Nana and Granddaddy

Our little munchkin

Hello beautiful girl

I'm not sure how often I'll blog- I'm hoping to continue to be able to document fun aspects of parenthood, reflections on adoption and infertility, and general craziness of life.  But I have to say, concentrating on our little girl is amazing and I'm thrilled to keep that at a top priority.

I would like to say a big thank you to those who read the blog, have prayed for us, have given financially and have supported this process.  If you had asked me 10 years ago if this was how I imagined growing our family I would have said no, but looking into sweet Caroline's face, I am so glad God's plan was the one followed as now I can't imagine it any other way.

Blessings to you all!

Love,

Katy, Adam and Caroline

Dear 6-week Old You

Dear baby,

Wow, what a week we've had!  We are still working really hard on getting to know you and figuring out what makes you tick.  This week has been full of fun (and not-so-fun moments).

The FUN:
You are focusing in our faces and I can tell you want to talk to us so badly and get frustrated that you have no words yet.  But don't grow up too fast!  Your coo-ing and little baby sounds that you make are so sweet and your daddy and I just love them!

You've started to notice the world around you.  Things like the lights on the Christmas tree the tree limbs when we take walks and the ceiling fan are fascinating to you!  It's so much fun to experience the world through your brand new eyes!

The Not-So-Fun:
We are still trying to figure out what kind of formula works best with your sensitive tummy.  It's so hard on daddy and I when you don't feel good and we can't help you, so with the Dr's ok, we are trying formula #3.  The good new is that although you do have some tummy issues, you are still gaining weight like a champ!

We spent this week interviewing daycares, which breaks mommy's heart a little, but we're feeling good about the options.  Mommy's got a bad case of guilt going on, but knows that whatever school you go to will be filled with people who are ready to love on you while we are at work.  We also went to the dr. to get your 2-month shots done a little early so you can fly on the airplane soon to visit family for Christmas!  Next time Daddy's going to go to that appointment.

You are starting to fill out in your cheeks and have just the beginnings of some fat rolls in your thighs.  Every day I look into your sweet face and can't believe you are here.  With Christmas right around the corner, I will always remember this year because you have given me the wonderful gift of becoming a mother- and even with the sleepless nights, the frustration when I can't soothe you, the pit-stops to change a dirty diaper, I wouldn't change one minute of this wonderful miracle.

You've hit so many milestones already and have come so far in your little life- I can't wait to see how you tackle the next couple of weeks.

I love you very much!

Love,

Mommy

Dear 5-week Old You

Dear 5-week old you,

I know 5 weeks isn't considered a major milestone, but I wanted to write you to tell you how proud I am of you.  Your little life hasn't been the easiest one so far, but you are such a good little baby and I think we are finally starting to understand one another. 

Sometimes I worry that because I didn't carry you in my tummy, I am a little slow with my instincts when it comes to interpreting what you need.  After all, our relationship is still pretty new.  But you know what?  You are really good a communicating what you need to me.  I can tell the difference between your hungry cries and your gassy cries.  I know you love to eat, and you hate having your clothes changed- especially if we are putting your little arms through long sleeves.  I can tell when you are tired and need a snuggle and I can tell when you need some independent time listening to music in your bassinet.

Your little life hasn't been the easiest.  You had so much you had to go through during your time in the hospital, and I think you are still trying to figure things out at home.  I think you think it's funny that I try so hard to keep you on a schedule because the minute I've got it figured out, you turn the tables on me and give me that little stink eye that reminds me who is in charge now.

I know you love riding in the car, taking walks (as long as mommy brings a bottle) and eating at just about every opportunity.  Even though you are small, you have a mighty will.  You try to roll over, hold your bottle and even stand up and it frustrates you because you are a little too small but still need to try.

You love the Christmas decorations and sitting in your swing watching the lights of the Christmas tree really calms you down if you have been especially fussy.

You are an escape artist and no matter how many swaddling methods we've tried, you shed your blankets like a snake shedding it's skin.  We bought a swaddle sack and I'm still not sure you've forgiven us for that transgression.  And even though you hate getting in your carseat, that's the one place where I know you will calm down and rest.

You are a little like me in that you don't want to miss a thing, which is why you sometimes fight sleep even though your little eyes are so tired.  You like hearing mommy and daddy sing to you, and you focus on the phone when we FaceTime with your granddaddy.

Each night, when I feed you in the middle of the night, we go through the list of everyone who loves you.  Your daddy and I, your grandparents, your birth parents, your family and friends, and we end with Jesus.

We all love you so much little peanut.  I can't wait to see what we will learn about each other in the next weeks to come.

Love,

Mommy

3AM Feedings Part Two

Today my sweet girl is one month old and it is completely surreal to think that just a month ago I didn't even know she existed.  But God knew.  Baby C and I pray together when we do our feedings as I've found keeping her in a calm and quiet place not only helps with our bonding together but also helps my little gassy baby stay happy.  When we pray and when I thank God for this precious miracle, I am so amazed with His perfect timing.  For those of you who read this and are still waiting on your little miracle baby, do not be discouraged! 

So we are now a month into parenting, 2 weeks out of the hospital and life is fantastic.  Hectic, messy, exhausting and fantastic.  Every day has a consistency about it in the routine of a newborn, but each day I see something new in Baby C- she is such a little miracle!


So, now that all of my warm fuzzies are on the page, let's really talk about what has me up and typing instead of sleeping while babies sleep:

The Sound Machine

We were first introduced to this robot of a sound machine in the NICU.  The child life specialist brought it in, claiming Baby C did better when there was music around.  I mean, of course.  Between Mr. A and myself, I'm surprised my kid hasn't already asked us to audition for Annie or The Sound of Music.  Of course she likes music!  So, my mom-in-law ordered the same machine for us when we got home from the hospital.

Y'all, I realize I'm probably the last one to jump on board, but this machine is so soothing.... almost too soothing....so soothing that while it does wonders for Baby C, it also keeps Mr. A asleep through nighttime feedings....which means Mama now has two babies enjoying their beauty rest.  And full disclosure, last night when I laid down for my nap prior to the night shift, I may have turned on the ocean sounds...and fallen right asleep!

Of all the gizmos and gadgets that baby's "need" to survive and thrive, this one takes the cake.  But what's the secret of just getting baby to respond and husband to wake up?!?! 

In other news, our social worker is coming this week for the first of several post-placement visits.  When she visited last year, I made homemade muffins and coffee.  This year I'm praying I can shower and slap on some makeup in between loving on Baby C.

Happy One Month Birthday sweet Baby C!  We love you to the moon and back!

3AM Feedings Part One

Mommy has the night shift this week as Daddy goes back to work tomorrow... or today... or... wait, what day is it?!?  Yes, you veteran parents- please feel free to smile indulgently at the Mommy brain that has quickly developed inside of me in the space of a few weeks.  No, I have no idea what day it is, No I don't know when my next shower will be, and No, my lunch yesterday wasn't saltines and sliced cheese... wait that's actually correct.

Yes, motherhood is HERE and as weird and crazy and stressful as it is, I am just thrilled and thankful beyond measure!

There's so much I want to share with you all, so be warned- there may be more early AM blogging coming your way.  And unlike the past several months when I felt I had NO news to share, now, my brain is so full, I am not quite sure where to start.

Tonight for some reason, the hospital where Baby C was born has been on my mind, so I'd like to share with you a little bit about our experience, being adoptive parents on the maternity floor and later the NICU.

If you're just joining in, our timeline is as follows:

Monday- baby girl is born
Wednesday- got a call about baby girl and that our profile was being shown
Same Wednesday- learned we had been picked and went to hospital and met with Birth Mother.  Got to see baby for the first time
Thursday- spent all day with Birth Mother, baby and assorted caseworkers- placement paperwork signed
Friday + 11 more days- daily trips to the NICU to spend time with daughter
Tuesday- (16 days later) released from hospital!

All in all that's 15 days of hospital time we spent and here are some interesting things I learned, being the adoptive parent:

1. Meeting the birthmother is a life changing experience.
If you are thinking and praying about adoption, something that could seem a little scary is meeting the birth parents. I can only speak from my experience, but I can say meeting the birthmother, getting to love on her, getting to hug her and getting to talk to her will go down as one of the most precious times in my life.  Set aside your expectations and let your heart guide you through.

2. Adoption isn't as common as you might think so be careful the impression you give.
Regardless of how much I thought adoption was very commonplace, in the hospital, their main concern is to protect birth parents and babies.  So, if you get to the hospital and don't find the warmest reception at first, don't get upset. Hospitals are protecting their patients.  Our caseworker gave us great advice- to be friendly and not too pushy.  Even after our placement papers were signed, there was a paperwork hiccup on the hospital side that prevented us from asking medical information on baby C at first.  Behind the scenes we were very vocal with caseworkers and really pushing our team to work with the hospital. But in the eyes of the nurses, doctors, and administrators, we tried to be friendly, warm and just plain thankful to everyone involved in Baby C's care.  Believe me, I wanted to tattoo MOTHER on my forehead and go in guns blazing, but in the end, our friendly gentle approached worked and smoothed roads of those who may have been skeptical of adoption better than any in your face action.  It also gave Mr. A and I a chance to be a witness to so many about our faith, our belief that we were right in the middle of God's perfect plan for us, and I truly believe people responded to us in a positive way.

3. The nurses are the unsung heroes
In the middle of the paperwork, the waiting, etc., every day was spent in the quiet NICU.  Mr. A, my parents, and I took turns so at least one of us was there with Baby C as much as possible.  Let me tell you, NICU can be a scary place.  Babies are hooked up to monitors, and can be attached with oxygen, feeding tubes and medicines in most cases so a calm quiet presence is needed.  Every day the nurses got to know us a little bit more.  We listened to them, brought them treats and tried to acknowledge them every minute.  While I am not thankful my baby spent over 2 weeks in the NICU, that time was so precious.  We got lots of little parenthood trainings from the nurses- from feedings to baths, and had a hands on approach whenever we felt we needed help.  And let me tell you, if you can manage a diaper change with cords and tubes tangled around your child's legs without too much panic, you can do anything!
As the nurses and team in the NICU got to know us, we formed a special bond in our joint effort to see to Baby C's care.  In addition to all of you who were praying and sending your well wishes, we had this physical army of men and women who love these little babies so much and want them to get well.
Under our tree is the first present and it was given to us by one of the nurses to Baby C.  I'll forever be thankful for all of the gentle hands loving on my child during her first 2 weeks.

4.  Expect the unexpected and don't be afraid to call on your support system
I don't know why I thought our adoption would be a smooth road- but even in this incredible period of joy, every hour it seemed like a new hurtle would be thrown our way and we would have to navigate our way through.  Additional paperwork, additional fees, the sheer physical exhaustion of the NICU... you name it, we've experienced it over the past three weeks.  And there is NO way Mr. A and I would have been able to get through the past 3 weeks on our own.  We've had to seek out help, advice and strength from:
The Lord- I had a breakdown in the shower about halfway through our NICU stay when I realized my shoulders could not carry the weight of what was happening around me.  My faith (which has always been strong), was tested in a big way this month and I recognized very clearly that the only way I am able to make it through is by relying on His strength and not mine.
Our Parents- Financially, physically, emotionally, both of our parents have been there for us this in ways we have not recognized.  Mr. A and I are not used to asking for help, but the first call we made was to my parents, asking for prayer and support.  When you are "picked" for a possible adoption, there's also a flurry of decisions, fees, etc. that have to be decided and normally you have a few days to process, talk things over and then get back to the agency.  IN our case, they all had to be decided and within a 3 minute time span and my brain could not process it all.  A baby had been born.  Birmom wanted to meet us in an hour.  Fees were ... Paperwork required was ... and on and on.  I literally felt like my head was going to explode and am thankful for my mom (a former adoption social worker) who helped us quickly process the information we were given.  My parents drove in, Mr. A's mom is arriving this week, and the support from them has been amazing.  We would not have been able to say YES to Baby C without their help.  And I will tell you something.  Seeing your parents hold their grandchild for the first time-- there's a whole blog post needed for that warm and fuzzy feeling!
Our Network of Friends- When we got the Wednesday call, we did not even own a diaper.  But while we concentrated on the NICU, some dear friends helped set us up for Baby C to come home.  One friend brought 2 tubs of Preemie-3 month clothing, another brought her bassinet and so on.....it was so helpful to be able to just focus on Baby C.  Literally every day since we've been home, there's been a new package of diapers or formula that has arrived from a friend or family member.  It's really just allowed us to concentrate on getting Baby C used to her new environment and loving on her.

5. Breathe and know it will all be ok.
While on a short break from the NICU, some sweet friends brought by some baby stuff and someone mentioned newborn photos and how it's best to take them before the baby is 2 weeks old.  I smiled on the outside but inside I was in a complete panic.  What if Baby C stayed in the NICU more than 2 weeks?  What if we couldn't afford newborn photos with the extra costs we were paying for the adoption fees?  Was I already failing at this motherhood thing by missing out on an important step?  (this was also the day of my shower breakdown)
Adoptions won't go exactly according to my plan.  Baby won't cooperate exactly according to my plan.  Motherhood (and fatherhood) won't go exactly according to my plan.  And you know what?  That's ok.  I have child who, instead of getting newborn pics, was receiving some of the best care in the city.  And in the end, I know it's all going according to God's plan, so I can take that deep breath, take some of the weight off of my shoulders, and give it to Him.

I am so thankful for our timline and our hospital experience.  While it was certainly not what we expected, I am already seeing so many blessings from our time there.

So, now it's 4:12 and Baby is making some interesting noises... is it possible she's hungry again?!?  Maybe.  She eats like a teenage boy, but I'm told that's a good thing at this age.

Tomorrow Daddy's back and work and Mommy is on her own- I'm sure that will give me TONS of great blogging material for later in the week...

Much love to all...

Mama C

Sweet Baby C

It’s amazing what can happen on a regular Wednesday. One minute you are at work and the next you get a phone call that will change everything

“A baby was born this week and you were chosen...”

After that it all went a little blurry. Calling my husband. Calling my parents. Rushing to the hospital while on the phone with the caseworker. Meeting the birth mother. And then, holding the baby. Our baby. It’s true what people say. The minute her Birth Mom placed her in my arms I thought, “Of course. Here you are. I’ve been waiting for you. You are my baby.”

Fast forward to more blurry moments. More discussions with the caseworker. Discussions with my husband. Waiting. Praying. Visiting baby. Visiting Birthmother. Text updates to family. Signing paperwork. More waiting. Praying. And then, just like that our little family grew by one.

Of course it wasn’t that simple. There are countless details that still need to be worked out. Decisions to be made, appointments to schedule.  We are buying diapers, outfitting a nursery, and spending every available minute at the hospital with baby.

Baby C is just about ready to be released from the hospital. Home for Thanksgiving hopefully and what a blessing that will be. Our little miracle. Our little angel. Our daughter.

More to come- after all this is our never ending story...

Finding our Joy

Dear friends,

It has been too long since our last update but it is with such a joyful heart that I write this post.

We have been blessed with a daughter!

To back up, on Wednesday of this week, we received a call asking if we would be open to an adoption for a baby girl that had already been born on Monday.  Yesterday (on World Adoption Day!), papers were finalized, so our little family has increased to 3!

Baby is still in the NICU as we want her strong and healthy and back up to birth weight, so please be praying for her health!  We are completely overwhelmed- after more than a year of waiting, in 48 hours our lives have completely turned upside down!

When I think about our journey, it's surreal.  The ups, the downs, the joys and the heartaches.  Today I am reminded so much of God's promises for us.  I never could have imagined this path for us, but when I held our baby in my arms and she opened her eyes and looked at me, all I could think was, "Of course, Lord. This is our baby."

2. Our mouths were filled with laughter,

our tongues with songs of joy.

Then it was said among the nations,

"The Lord has done great things for them."

3. The Lord has done great things for us,

and we are filled with joy.

Psalm 126

This is just a sneak peek.  More updates to come soon!  We are being private with our social media but please continue to pray!